his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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