Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you made out with another girl for some wings
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
