There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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