Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
