Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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