Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
