xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
