Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
