i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Randomize
