so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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