I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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