Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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