Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
