It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
