I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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