There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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