Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
