what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
