I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
