I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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