are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
