I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
