meet me or not, i'm out of control
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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