I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
