it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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