I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
