note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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