I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
