the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
