I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
