Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
