I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
