I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
