She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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