Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
