I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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