It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
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