The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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