I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
