And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
