There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
