I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
