alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
