im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
