Dual....:-)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
