I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
