I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i barfeds in our rink
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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