I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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