Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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