considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
