my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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