There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
