you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
