i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
