i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
